- Take 3 deep breaths. On the last one, exhale everything, hold your breath for as long as you can, inhale, hold your breath for as long as you can. Repeat for 3 total times. Times: 18 seconds, 48 seconds; 18, 50; 18, 50. Consistent.
- Lunge: 30-second iso, exhale everything, then quick-style reps for 50 seconds (breathing as necessary but ideally not often; the 50 comes from the timing above).
- Wall squat: same methodics.
- Glute ham
- Push up
I was not happy to be doing this. Even though I did it, I did not do it well. That's probably what frustrated me the most. I couldn't work as hard as I knew I should have been able to, or at least as hard as I have been able to for other exercises. I wanted to be able to do it well and do it right, and I couldn't do either. Will tried to encourage me by saying that if I weren't doing well he would tell me, but that didn't help—he couldn't see what I was thinking (nor did I want him to be able to!). I guess I was thinking, "I just want to breathe! I can't hold my breath any longer. I'm so frustrated; I don't want to be here doing this." Then I would get frustrated because I had to time everything and though I should have finished around 1:20, I kept having to go to 1:45 or 1:50 or 2 minutes because I had to subtract time for breaths. I really did try to change my attitude but did not succeed.
I think I was really thinking, "This is impossible. How can I work at all when I can't breathe or when I have to hold my breath? I have enough trouble breathing (or at least remembering to breathe) when I'm allowed to. Now I'm not even allowed to???" So I probably went in with the wrong attitude, and it didn't improve at all.
Tonight's workout is similar:
- Same methodics for 3 breaths, timing, 3 times.
- Lunge: reps only (no 30-sec iso)
- Glute ham: reps only
- Curl: reps only, light bar
- Plate front delt: reps only, 10-lb plate or dumbbell
Even without the iso, this didn't go much better. I did them all; it's really only 1 minute of work for 4 total minutes. But I did not want to and had a horrible attitude. I was not excited. I just wanted to leave. I held my composure while I was doing this workout, but I pretty much lost it on my walk back up to the house. I didn't even know why I was so upset. I think I was just frustrated with myself because I wasn't liking the workout and thus wasn't working hard. Then I was frustrated because those were ridiculous reasons. Then I was frustrated because I was frustrated. I did not even call Will to let him know that I'd at least done what he'd told me to do. But I definitely found solace in the following passages:
Out of the depths I have cried to You, O LORD; Lord, hear my voice! Let Your ears be attentive to the voice of my supplications.
If You, LORD, should mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand? But there is forgiveness with You, That You may be feared.
I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in His word I do hope. My soul waits for the Lord more than those who watch for the morning—yes, more than those who watch for the morning.
O Israel, hope in the LORD; for with the LORD there is mercy, and with Him is abundant redemption. And He shall redeem Israel from all his iniquities.
I love the LORD, because He has heard my voice and my supplications. Because He has inclined His ear to me, therefore I will call upon Him as long as I live.
The pains of death surrounded me, and the pangs of Sheol laid hold of me; I found trouble and sorrow. Then I called upon the name of the LORD: “O LORD, I implore You, deliver my soul!”
Gracious is the LORD, and righteous; yes, our God is merciful. The LORD preserves the simple; I was brought low, and He saved me. Return to your rest, O my soul, for the LORD has dealt bountifully with you.
For You have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, and my feet from falling. I will walk before the LORD in the land of the living. I believed, therefore I spoke, “I am greatly afflicted.” I said in my haste, “All men are liars.”
What shall I render to the LORD for all His benefits toward me? I will take up the cup of salvation, and call upon the name of the LORD. I will pay my vows to the LORD now in the presence of all His people.
Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of His saints.
LORD, truly I am Your servant; I am Your servant, the son of Your maidservant; You have loosed my bonds. I will offer to You the sacrifice of thanksgiving, and will call upon the name of the LORD.
I will pay my vows to the LORD now in the presence of all His people, in the courts of the LORD’s house, in the midst of you, O Jerusalem.
Praise the LORD!